Jabs are funny only when they are true...

... Unfortunately, Miss Juanita down at "The World's Most Dangerous Beauty Salon, Inc." didn't get the memo.

As a stab at the "soon-to-be" vacancy in Texas' Congressional District 22, she graces her homepage with the glaring headline (in green, no less):

"News from the ONLY Congressional District in America without a Congressman"

You see, anytime you use those tricky "absolutes" (like "ONLY"), you best better do your homework. Apparently, the dog ate Miss Juanita's "homework".

Not only does Texas' CD-22 still have the living, breathing Mr. Tom DeLay representing them in D.C. (much to Juanita's chagrin, I'm sure) -- after all, he hasn't stepped down yet -- but there are two current Congressional districts without representation.

One is New Jersey's 13th Congressional District.
The other is California's 50th Congressional District.

It took me less than a minute on Google to figure it out, but perhaps they don't have that down at the "Beauty Shop". So another attempt at a humorous attack comes up a little short on the facts. (Those darn, stubborn things...)

But, it would have been pretty funny if it was true! Nice try, Juanita!

Anyone in Katy ISD for some "Three-Card Monty"?

It's the latest craze... right up there with the shell game they are pulling on the taxpaying residents of Katy ISD.

You see, it turns out with their latest $261MM bond proposal, they tell you that it won't result in an increase in your taxes -- but, of course, what they neglect to point out is that it's because they *can't* increase your taxes as they are already up against the cap!

The reason they can then pull off this trick of increasing debt without increasing taxes is that they are instead pulling the money from the General (Maintenance & Operations) budget.

See, Katy ISD taxes are made up of $1.63 for M&O, and $0.37 for debt service. In order to pile on more debt, they are pulling 3 cents from the M&O -- and it would then breakdown as $1.60 for M&O and $0.40 for debt. Got it?

But, you may ask, how are they filling that 3 cent gap in M&O? Well, my friends, that's going to come out of the rainy day fund.

So they take from M&O, put it into debt, and take from the rainy day fund and put into back into M&O. Nice trick, eh?

You remember what happens to people after they've beaten the "dealer" at 3-card monty and then walk on down the street, right? Yep, there goes your wallet!

It's about time!

It's one of those headlines that you read, scratch your head, and then wonder: "Why is this news? Shouldn't they be doing this all the time anyway?!?"

At least, that's what I thought when I read this in the Houston Chronicle:

Immigration officials raid Houston business

"Immigration officials made a surprise visit to a Houston business this
morning and questioned dozens of workers at two different worksites."

Well, all I can say is: It's about time! I feel bad for those who will inevitably suffer (the illegal immigrant and his/her family), but we are a nation of laws, not of men -- and no one is above the law.

After reading in the papers all the time about those who flout the law so frivilously, it's nice to see "the law" asserting itself for a change.

An Amusing Irony

I usually find irony, so long as it isn't tragic, to be quite amusing. I realize that not everyone gets the irony sometimes, much less finds it funny, but, well... it's my blog so here it is...

I was perusing the Katy Times online this afternoon and came across this article:

Survey calls Katy one of the best for music education

My first thought was: "By Golly, we better be with the amount of money we have been spending for facilities in the past several years!"

My thoughts then went to the good 'ole Katy Watchdogs and how they have undertaken the Sisyphean task of opposing the most recent Katy ISD Bond election.

But here's the irony...

The online ad that popped up right next to this article was for AXA Advisor Steven Flodder, a financial consultant. The "headline" for the ad?

"Help them Graduate with Honors - Not With Debt"

The next sentence? "Did you know nearly 25% of students graduate with loan balances greater than their annual income?"

Let's see.... currently Katy ISD has around $1.5 billion in debt. There are, say, approximately 45 thousand students. Crunching the math gives Katy ISD a current "per student" debt of $33,333.33. Now, granted, with the turnover of students, it's kind of fuzzy math, but I think you get the picture.

So, then, why should we be shocked that students these days complete college with so much debt when we have saddled their families with debts to pay just getting them to graduate from high school?!? Give the students credit -- at least they are following our example!

Am I the only one that finds such irony amusing?

Texas wins the lottery!

With the loophole-ridden, convoluted tax system we have here in Texas, hoping to come up with the right amount of money for the state budget can be considered somewhat of a game of chance.

Well, according to Texas State Comptroller Carole Keeton McClellan Rylander Strayhorn (whew!), as reported in the Houston Chronicle:

Strayhorn: Lawmakers have $8.2 billion surplus

So, ya know, apparently we're kinda rollin' in it! Talk about a gift to the Texas Legislature! But:

Strayhorn, like Perry, said it would be a mistake for legislators to simply use the surplus to pay for property tax cuts and then go home. But the fact that she nearly doubled the surplus from her previous forecast of $4.3 billion is likely to increase the temptation of many Republican lawmakers to do just that.

As the article mentions, though, the Lege is somewhat limited in what areas of school finance and proprety taxes they will be allowed to address:

The governor issued a proclamation today, officially limiting the session's agenda to cutting school property taxes, the higher state taxes he has proposed and appropriations to the Texas Education Agency.

In other words, appraisal tax caps are again off the table - for now. (*sigh*)

The Umpire's call? My initial prediction (subject to change based on facts and/or whim) is that the Lege will:

1. Tweak Perry's recommended tax "enchancements" but otherwise adopt them almost as-presented.
2. They will use the surplus to "fund" the "property tax reduction" (ignoring the fact that the lack of caps will negate the "tax reduction" in just 2-4 years)
3. Declare victory and go home thinking that they have performed some great and noble service for the future of Texas.

Arrgh!

"Nothing good happens after midnight"

My mother used to tell me when I was in high school, "What do you want to be able to stay out until 2:00 am for??? Nothing good happens after midnight."

She meant that anything you might want to do or engage in after midnight would not be something she would approve of. But, since my goody-two-shoes older brother got a 2am curfew, I got one, too. But, uh... um.. well, let's just say Mom was right.

Now, it seems some poor life choices have had irreversibly tragic consequences:

"Hit-and-run kills pregnant teen outside strip club" (Houston Chronicle)

"An early morning hit-and-run accident killed a pregnant teenager overnight in southwest Houston, according to a report this morning by KHOU-TV. The incident happened in front of Playmates Cabaret at Bissonet and Southwest Freeway around 2 a.m.

The 17-year-old, who was reportedly six-months pregnant, was struck and killed by a pickup truck, according to KHOU. The teen died at the scene and the truck fled the scene."

Now, let's make sure we have these details right: She's only 17, 6-months pregnant (not married), and -- where was she? -- in the parking lot of a strip club at -- what time? -- 2:00 a.m..

I don't mean to suggest that this girl deserved what happened to her, or that she somehow "had it coming" by any means. But when a 17 year-old girl who is six months pregnant is in a strip club parking lot at 2:00am, "nothing good" can come of it.

Unfortunately, the article doesn't report on the condition of her unborn child, which suggests that the baby died as well. What a sad and preventable loss.

Balks and Ballots

A balk in baseball is when the pitcher acts like he's going to pitch to the batter, but really plans on trying to throw out the runner who may be leading off the base just a little too far. But he does so in a way that doesn't conform to the rules.

In other words, the pitcher is signaling one thing to the runner on base and the batter in the box (Hey, here come the pitch!) while the infielder knows to expect the ball will be thrown to him. It's basically a fake out -- signaling one thing but doing something else -- but done against the rules.

What does this have to do with ballots? Well, let The Umpire tell you.

As Bob Dunn gamely points out on his Fort Bend Now website, "Endorsements By Wallace, Thode Fuel Fire From GOP Chair Candidate Howell". It seems when it comes to the most recent runoff election (the ballots), Sugar Land Mayor (and potential candidate for CD22) David Wallace was engaging in a little duplicitous action (the balk).

"Wallace acknowledged to Howell that he had endorsed Gillen in the primary, but wasn’t going to take sides in the runoff. “I have been friends with you and I have been friends with Gary,” she said the mayor told her. “And I want to remain neutral in this. I am going to be sending Gary an email asking him not to use my name anymore.”

Instead, he sent out the above letter a few days later, Howell said, along with a similar email that went out to Fort Bend County Chamber of Commerce members.

“And then he sent [an] email twice,” [Ms. Howell] said, “and it had a link to Gary’s web site.”"

As I commented on the article on Mr. Dunn's website, it sure would have been nice to be able to start fresh with a new CD22 rep and a new Chair free of ethical concerns, but perhaps these days that is asking just a little too much.

As Ms. Howell stated in the article: "““That was the biggest bunch of crock I have ever heard of in my whole life,” she said of Wallace. “How in the world can we have someone we can trust in Congress if we can’t trust them locally?”"

How, indeed, "Lovey"...

Refusing to go gently into that good night...

Oh, my! I'm sorry to say that "upon further review," The Umpire was right again...

Once upon a time, I made this comment about Mr. Gary Gates in reference to his third election loss to Glenn Hegar:

"The resounding defeat should send a message to the Gates campaign (like, uh, stop running), but I doubt his ego has ears."

Well, it seems he just can't let it go... via Quorum Report:

"TEXANS FOR LIMITED GOVERNMENT ANNOUNCES STATEWIDE RADIO CAMPAIGN"
Read the press release here.

I mean, hey, all power to him. It's not that I disagree with the premise behind the organization, and I certainly applaud anyone's efforts expended as an advocade of limited government, but I have a feeling it's just an additional vehicle to keep the perpetual Gates campaign afloat.

The Umpire sez: "Um, I'm terribly sorry, Mr. Gates, but three strikes is an out. You are going to have to go back to the dugout now."

"And the office goes to..."

Find the Fort Bend County Republican Primary Runoff Election Results here.

(And if anyone cares, even though it doesn't really matter because they won't get elected in November anyway, the FBC Democratic Primary Runoff Election Results are here.)

Well, at least it's finally over. No more campaign mailers, campaign commercials, or campaign phone calls -- at least until October, anyway.

So who was left standing? Here's my two cents on the FBC GOP results:

HD-28 // Zerwas vs. Melanson -- It was certainly a lot closer than I expected (53% to 47%), but the winner was no surprise. I'll have to look at a county by county breakdown to see why it was as close as it was, but the tight margin of victory was unexpected.

Judge, County Court at Law #1 // Childers vs. Schaefer -- As best I could tell, it was better name vs. better qualifications and, as usual, the better name won out in a squeaker (51% to 49%). I haven't been involved in FBC politics long enough to know any backstory to this race, but this seemed to be exceptionally tight. I will say this, though: I read a mailer where Childers went on record as a "Reagan Republican" and Schaefer listed her preference for "George H.W. Bush." Next time, Ms. Schaefer, in a GOP primary, don't ever pick the "Read-My-Lips President" over the "Mr.-Gorbachev, tear-down-this-wall President". In a race where the margin of victory was only 138 votes, you better believe that picking the mod-President over the conservative, iconic President was bound to backfire.

County Attorney // Cordes vs. McDaniel -- To be honest, I'm surprised this vote was as close as it was, despite the convincing victory (62% to 38%). Good to see that we got this one right. See my take on Ms. McDaniel's doomed campaign here and here. But I'm sure she lost just because all the voters of FBC are sexist pigs who elect Nazis.

And last but not least on my hit parade this morning...

FBC GOP Chairman // Gillen vs. Howell -- I must admit to being torn about whom to support in this race. Clearly, I am not necessarily a fan about how Gillen ran his race (see here and here) and I have doubts about his campaign finance reports (see here), but there were no doubts about his qualifications. As for Ms. Howell, she ran an admirable race, but in a primary runoff, the voters are a lot more grassroots-minded and ideologically pure. I'm certain that her lack of "Precinct Chairman" experience (despite her other substantial qualifications) hurt her, and her excuses for not serving in that role were not convincing. Ultimately, though, it was a very close race (51.2% to 48.8%), and Mr. Gillen should not assume any mandate. When the hand-picked successor with the heavy-hitter endorsements only wins by 2.44% or 192 votes, it's not a tremendous show of support.

And that's The Umpire's call!

"The People" have spoken!

.... well, at least 1.77% of the people! Wow, Fort Bend County GOP -- we should be so proud of ourselves for this dramatic and overwhelming "voice of the masses!"

(sarcasm off)

9,099 votes out of 514,492 registered voters in Fort Bend County. I wish there were a more politically sensitive word I can come up with, but all I can muster up is: pathetic.

Yes, I know... it's only a primary... and a runoff, too... and it could also be seen as 3.18% of "District Voters" (pleading ignorance as to whatever that means), but it's still pathetic.

So don't let anyone in this election talk about a "mandate" or how the people were "sending a message". I'm thinking that you need a little bit more than a 3% voter turnout to make that claim. The only "message" they (the registered voters of Fort Bend County) were sending is that they hate politics, politicians, and apathy reigns supreme. I dare you to disagree.

I'm Sure It's Just a Coincidence...

Prompted by Chris Elam's semi-cryptic post here regarding (most likely) the FBC GOP Chairman's race and Mayor Wallace's (first - private, now - public) endorsement, I made a few comments:

Unfortunately, in politics, whether a post-DeLay, pre-DeLay, or-whatever-DeLay world we find ourselves in, friendships and relationships are not so much “bonds” but “relationships of convenience” borne out of temporary alliances based on transitory needs.

As I've said here and on my blog on this issue (Wallace's 'endorsement' of Gillen), Mayor Wallace was a man with “the cowardice of his convictions.” Perhaps he has finally stepped forward in that regard, emboldened by his recent elevation within the Party. Sorry, Chris, but as you know by now in politics, “If you want a friend, buy a dog.”

I then reviewed my previous post on this issue and saw where I made this suggestion (among others):

2. Have a phone conversation with Mayor Wallace and (quietly, nicely, and privately) ask him to either publicly come forward with his endorsement or just shut up about it and stop the back-channel endorsement effort. It’s not really much of an endorsement if one isn’t willing to go public with it, is it?

Now, in campaign mailers and advertisements, Mr. Gillen is indeed touting his endorsement from Mayor Wallace. I'm sure it didn't have anything to do with my advice, but I'm still glad Mr. Gillen / Mayor Wallace took it!

Now, Mr. Gillen, about my suggestions #1 and #3.... it's never too late to make wrong things right!

When Good Curmudgeons Go Bad

I don't mind a good dose of invective disguised as righteous indignation every now again, and the woman I have characterized as one of my favorite local misanthropic curmudgeons never hesitates to dish it out, but every once in a while she goes too far.

In her most recent post, she writes:

Madam Swami Juanita predicts the winner in each race in the GOP primary run-off will have one thing in common with every darned other GOP elected official in the county --- they will all be fluffy white boys! I ain’t kidding. When you go to a swearing-in ceremony in Fort Bend County, it looks like Germany won the damn war. (emphasis mine)

So not only are we all sexist pigs, but we elect Nazis!

Gee, uh, it couldn't have anything to do with the quality of their campaigns, or their lack of heavy-hitter endorsements, would it? You mean to tell me if Terese Raia were running for party chair she wouldn't have sailed through without a runoff? And correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't Faye Dettling a Judge? And a woman? *gasp!*

Sorry, "Juanita," but your Nazi schtick was just a little too over the top. Demand a refund from your Emily Post classes, post haste.

The Umpire sez: "Bad Sportsmanship!"

You can lead a Candidate through a race, but you can't make her Think!

Perhaps some people are too smart for their own good. Or, their genius in some areas is paired with shocking incompetence in others. You know, kind of like how Einstein flunked English class.

Exhibit A: Candidate for Fort Bend County Attorney Carolyn McDaniel

Maybe you read this post where I highlighted the numerous simple spelling errors in her campaign materials. Of course, you can read some of them for yourself which remain on her campaign website here and here. My personal favorite is "forfiture".

The thing is, if her credentials are to be believed (and I have absolutely no reason to doubt them), this woman is no dummy: A biology degree, former NASA researcher, member of the Bar, etc.

And yet, "there she goes again"...

She fixed one or two errors, but her recent ad in the FBC GOP April Newsletter still highlights her "ACCESSABILITY" and her desire to "Improve Transparance".

I have another semi-amusing item worth pointing out, but it would just seem like piling on... :)

She says we should elect our County Attorney as the one who has "Consistently Campaigned on the Future." I'm sorry, Ms. McDaniel, but I'm going to vote for the candidate who knows how to use spell check. It's not asking too much to insist on a County Attorney that knows how to spell, is it?

Thar' She Blows!

After seeing this headline online at the Houston Chronicle, I just know someone is gonna blow a gasket...

Perry: No special election, unless DeLay resigns by Friday

AUSTIN - Gov. Rick Perry said today that he will not call an election to fill the congressional seat to be vacated by U.S. Rep. Tom DeLay before November if DeLay doesn't resign by Friday.
...(snip)...
Perry can call an emergency special election at an earlier date than November, but spokesperson Kathy Walt said the governor, at least for now, sees no reason to do so. She left the door open, however, for Perry to change his mind.

I found this paragraph particularly amusing:

Lampson said the special election should be called so that the area has representation during the next few months. Lampson supporters were carrying tea bags, which they described as symbols of taxation without representation, a reference to the American revolution.

Gee, uh, I wonder who might have given them that idea??? (Check out the bottom middle of the post.)

Hoo-boy! CD22 Fort Benders were already worked up hotter than a two-dollar pistol-- I can't imagine the seething rage that's boiling at this very minute!

The Umpire Sez: Time for a T.V. timeout! Simma down now! Mellow..... Mellloooowwww....

Springtime's Here! Time for flip-flops!

Get them liquored up enough with the potent elixir of PAC money, and shoot them up with enough adulation and encouragement so that they are drunk with power, and politicians will happily "flip-flop" on political issues of the day.

The issue: Immigration Reform

Back in 1993, this Senator was sponsor of Senate Bill 1351 - The Immigration Stabilization Act of 1993. The goal of the bill was to:

"...curb criminal activity by aliens, to defend against acts of international terrorism, to protect American workers from unfair labor competition, and to relieve pressure on public services by strengthening border security and stabilizing immigration into the United States."

Sounds great, huh? It gets even better. According to Mark Krikorian, a press release from the Senator's office about this bill said,

"Our borders have overflowed with illegal immigrants placing tremendous burdens on our criminal justice system, schools and social programs. The Immigration and Naturalization Service needs the ability to step up enforcement. Our federal wallet is stretched to the limit by illegal aliens getting welfare, food stamps, medical care and other benefits often without paying any taxes. Safeguards like welfare and free medical care are in place to boost Americans in need of short-term assistance. These programs were not meant to entice freeloaders and scam artists from around the world. Even worse, Americans have seen heinous crimes committed by individuals who are here illegally."

You're ready to vote for this guy, aren't you?!? Are you ready for this? The bill even states that children born to illegal aliens would not be granted automatic citizenship under Section 1 of the Fourteenth Amendment!

Unfortunately, if this person were to put forward this legislation today he would be run out of town! Just who is this "flip-flopper"?

None other than U.S. Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid (D - Nevada)! It's OK, though... I'm sure he would just chalk it up to a "youthful indiscretion".

EXCELLENT UPDATE!::: Drudge has the text of the original 1993 press release here.

"Pride cometh before destruction...

...and a haughy spirit before a fall." (Proverbs 16:18)

It seems like just a few months ago that Majority Leader Tom DeLay was on top of the world. Sure, that pesky Travis County DA was nipping at his heels, but it was all just partisan politics and it didn't keep "The Hammer" from making the backroom deals, twisting the arms, and doing whatever it took to advance his agenda.

Then, he stepped down from the Majority Leader position and was just 1 member of the House among 434 others. Soon, he'll be just plain 'ol Tom DeLay from Virginia. Granted, he'll have more money than he'll know what to do with, but at least now he'll be paying his own way for the lavish trips and fancy gourmet dinners.

The immediately-famous Time interview is here.

In that article, I found this interesting question that the interviewer posed to DeLay:

"My mother used to say: You're known by the company you keep. Another way of saying that is: If you lie down with dogs, you get up with fleas. Is that part of your problem?"

Just a few days ago, in my post titled, "The Hammer has Fleas", I wrote this:

"There's a saying that if you lie down with dogs, you'll get up with fleas. There's also a saying that you will be known by the company you keep."

Should I sue for plagiarism? :) Nah... I'll just chalk it up to a little prescient prognostication. (And you can look that up in your Funk & Wagnall's!)

Some excellent views from the local blogosphere can be found at Texas Safety Forum and DeLay vs. World.


(psst.... "The World" won!)

The Lesson of Carolyn McDaniel (or, "How to Succeed in Campaigning without using Spell-Check")

When I first heard about the three candidates vying for Fort Bend County Attorney, I must admit that I knew very little about them and even going into the primary had no clue for whom to vote. So, I voted anyway -- knowing there would be a runoff and I could better sort through the remaining candidates then.

Well, here we are coming up on the runoff election and although I can't say for certain that I will be voting for Roy L. Cordes, Jr., I do know that I will not be voting for Carolyn McDaniel. Here's why...

When I saw her pushcard at the SD18 convention, I noticed some glaring misspellings. Not "typos" -- manifestly obvious misspellings. Despite the overwhelmingly unprofessional pushcard, I was willing to consider chalking it up to trying to put something together in a hurry to have something to pass out at the SD conventions.

Then, just yesterday, there they were again in an ad in a "Fort Bend County Conservative Voters Guide": gems like "ACCELLERATION", "ACCESSABILITY" and "TRANSPARANCY".

Surely that was just an oversight, right? They took the pushcard material and put it into the ad without checking, but otherwise she knows how to spell, right?!?

WRONG! (As good 'ol John McLaughlin would say...)

Direct from her campaign website are these examples of "creative spelling" and "grammatical license"...

"Both myself and my opponent..." "...fast and efficeint..." "intutive" "avaliable" "buinesses" "implimented" "goverment" "handeling" "forfiture" "forfitures"

She also tells us that, "As your County Attorney, I will effectively and efficently run the department so as to save the tax payers money." (emphasis mine)

Well, she will certainly "efficently" (or is it "efficeintly"?) save time and money by not using that superfluous "Spell Check" feature on important FBC legal documents!

I'm sorry if this comes off as nit-picking or trite, but can a genuinely intelligent and serious candidate (for County Attorney, no less) continuously put out campaign materials that are this grossly larded with errors?

The Umpire's call? Ms. McDaniel, yer out!